[Im]patiently Waiting

Galatians 6:9

And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.

The art of waiting. It's always difficult, if not, the most frustrating thing we'd have to experience. I'm a self-confessed impatient person. I tend to perform impulsively, just because I'd like to get things done in a snap. I like deciding on things quickly. I like getting results quickly.

Which is probably why God continues to try and test my patience, in order to mold me into a more patient person. They say, 'patience is a virtue'...which is very hard to have. I like being in control all the time, yet He continues to push me to wait, and to just trust that everything will be okay.

Lately, this is what I've been experiencing - the art of waiting.

Waiting for positive results.
Waiting for what my calling is, career wise.
Waiting for who really is meant for me, if there is even one.

Though I would understand myself, simply because I know how much pressure I get, I know that worrying and being impatient about things won't really improve the status quo.

I've been taught lately to just be still and to know that He is starting to lay the foundation of what I know will become the turning point, yet again, in this stage in my life. Lo and behold, after months of grueling, frustrating, days and days and months of waiting, I got a response. Something that I had not expected. And just last night, another opportunity presented itself to me, and I honestly don't know what to do about it, but to grab it, whatever outcome it could give.

From what I have been experiencing lately, I'm happy that I have been tested a lot...because now I know, with the results that I'm getting, that all this, has become a great testimony of faith, of believing that God does want the best for me. Lately, I've also been feeling a sense of peace... little by little, I'm starting to not feel so alone anymore... that I'm enjoying my singlehood, by focusing my energy more on strengthening my career, and on building a good foundation for my family, most especially for my daughter.

All this that's about to change in my life excites me more than it scares me. I had no idea that in 2013, I would have a totally different view about where my life will be headed.. and I'm more than thankful that God has been there. :)

God does, and will surprise you. In the most unimaginable, unfathomable way possible. Trust me, He has done so. :)

The Roadmap to My Heart

You think I'm complicated, when in reality, I just have a list of standards that don't match yours. I enjoy flings, temporary fleeting feelings of happiness, but only to a certain extent. I know when to stop. I enjoy being wooed. I like receiving flowers. I like being able to give. Most of the time, actually.

I like to be kissed. A lot. to be cuddled. to be told once in a while that I look and smell good.

I like to hold hands. In private. And subtly, In public.

I like to be surprised. I've always wanted someone to surprise me during my birthday. I enjoy long walks. I like to be alone. So when I ask for some time by myself, please, give it to me.

I like being around guys. Not because I'm a shameless flirt, but because I'm just one of the boys like that. I enjoy drinking, but not getting wasted. I like to drown my sorrows in food and coffee; so if you'd like to cheer me up, bring me some iced white chocolate mocha, or some caramel coffee frappe with hazelnut syrup.

I can be mean, but I'm such a softy. An apology can instantly melt my heart. As long as you mean it.

I like to be needed, but not to be used.

I need you to love me as much as I love my daughter. Or even more. 

I like to be pampered, even for just a little. I've always wanted to be treated to some island getaway.

I like trying new things with people, as long as it doesn't involve eating worms or crunchy crickets. Or orgies. Or threesomes. No.

I like to pray. And to talk about God, even when I'm not the most Godly woman you'd meet -- because -- I curse. I get road rage when I drive. I have a tendency to become a backseat/passenger seat driver. I easily get pissed when I'm hormonal. I easily cry as well.

I have a crazy-ass family.

I can be quite bi-polar. One day I'm extremely optimistic, the next, I can be so sad.

I'm very expressive. I say what's on my mind, so if I end up offending you with my blunt honesty, I'm sorry.

I say sorry a lot. But I always mean it.

I like letters. Cards. And the old-fashioned way of being courted.

I'm obviously not a virgin, but please don't treat me like I'm not one. I still can be old-fashioned and wholesome.

I enjoy doing childlike things once in a while. We all need that.

I post too many pictures and videos of/with my daughter. Just because I'm her number one fan.

I will end up posting about you, should you do so well with winning me over.

I've been so used to telling myself not to fall or not to like someone, so forgive me if I become too careful at first.

I'm a package deal. You get me and my daughter, or you don't get me at all.

I want my family to like you, and you to like them. I have had it with relationships that have to be kept secret, or that have to be tweaked to match their standards.

I hope you'd be financially stable. I can't have another anchor in my life.

I miss traveling... so taking me out for a really nice vacation would really really really mean a lot.

I like to shop. So when I do, please don't pressure me to hurry up.

I love shoes & makeup. Don't stop me from buying more :)

When I tell you exactly how I feel, please don't get angry. I'd rather be straight, than to hide my emotions, and explode unexpectedly one day.

I love to sing. In the shower. More so when I drive. So when I hit a high note, and it sounds awfully wrong, just laugh at me.

I love to eat. My usual food cravings when I've hit my time of the month are Japanese food and pizza.

I love to watch movies. Re-watch movies that I love. Like Clueless, Mean Girls, White Chicks, and Eurotrip. I love to lounge around and watch my favorite TV series as well. Bring me PLL, TVD, Suits, TWD, 90210, and True Blood, any day.

I usually can't go out. So if you'd like to see me, visit me at home. :)

I will flirt. Shamelessly flirt. But only with you. :)

I need you to be completely honest, even if the truth would hurt. To be respectful, even if I'm acting like a total b*tch. To be loving, even when I'm difficult to understand. To be brave when I'm scared. To be able to accept who I was, who I am, whom I will become, and whom I'll never be. To embrace my situation fully. Tell your parents/family about me. To be so damn proud that you won me over.

I wonder where you are. I know I haven't met you yet, I think. If you do exist, I hope He intended for us to meet. I'm in no rush, but I have to admit, sometimes it does get lonely too (I'm human, sue me.) So whoever you are... here are just some of the things you need to know about me. I wonder who's actually up to the challenge. :)

Decisions, decisions

Being helpless has never felt this good. I know it might sound sadistic in nature, but really, it's what pushed me back to praying more, and to having more faith in Him. Lately, I've been finding myself having to make life decisions. Career. Relationships. Friendships. the list goes on and on and on... thing is, we can never really control the wheel of our lives. We could steer it at some point, but ultimately, it's still up to the Big Boss out there where He'd want to take us.

I've always believed that God won't give you a problem that's too big, or too overwhelming, that you won't be able to handle. He'd equip you with a support system, and with help that we never expect to have. More often than not, He'd surprise us when we least expect it.

And lately, that's what's been happening to me.

I may not be an expert on faith, or hope, or on Christianity.. but I can be certain that somehow, things are starting to fall into place. My patience has been tested, to the point that I've literally tried to give up and to just think that the universe hated me with a passion... but maybe He's just been waiting for me to come back all along.. I've been too proud and too focused on my problems, that I failed to recognize that having a little bit of faith can go a long way.

So for now, I know I can only pray, and hope for the best... He knows what my heart desires, and He knows that ultimately, I just want what's best for me, my daughter, and my family.

I hope this time, my prayer aligns with His will. :)