Facts of Life at 25

1. You will get heartbroken.
2. Everywhere you go, the concept of "rush hour" in Manila is now dead. Traffic will most likely be unpredictably heavy.
3. Life is unfair.
4. But it doesn't have to be that difficult.
5. Your life is the way it is now, because of the decisions you make for yourself. So don't go blaming everything else on other people.
6. Being called too thin, is the same as being called too fat. Weight will always be a sensitive issue to at least one person.
7. Once you have a kid, EVERYTHING changes. Your body. Your mind. Your decisions. Your budget. Your priorities. And yes, your sanity.
8. Friends with benefits - 1 person always breaks. Always.
9. One's libido can die, if the person he/she is sleeping with has destroyed his/her's emotional state.
10. Too much or too less of something or someone is never good.
11. Babies are too cute; but they can be evil sometimes.
12. To cure depression, often times people resort to:

a. going to the parlor
b. pigging out
c. partying
d. drinking
e. there's having fun, and there's having FUN

13. Complaining is never attractive.
14. So is judging others.
15. Even when you keep telling yourself you won't trust others anymore, more often than not, you still do.
16. A job is more of a need, than a want.
17. Our mothers become our worst enemy at some point in our lives...then we come to understand why they are when we become mothers ourselves (or when we finally mature enough to accept that they were right)
18. If a guy keeps teasing you, he most probably likes you.
19. If you think someone is lying, most likely he/she is.
20. There will always be that 1 person who remains to be your 'epic love'.
21. When God says "no", He's just saving you from disaster.
22. Things happen for a reason; though it might take months or even years for us to discover what those reasons are.
23. Patience is a virtue ----- that is very very very hard to master.
24. Not all guys who give you their attention genuinely like you. Some may just be really bored.
25. Friends come and go. You're lucky to have at least 3-5 really really good ones. :)

Am I the Only One?

Disclaimer: I don't regret ever having a kid. My daughter is the best part of my life, and I could care less (well a little) if I'd ever land myself a decent, stable partner in the future. 

But am I the only one who gets tired? Frustrated when I feel like I'm not doing enough? Is it always going to be this way? I know I can't complain. I got myself in this situation (I didn't get pregnant by myself you know), and I've decided to go through with it... but I guess I never thought it would be this difficult, most especially when physically, sometimes I feel like I can't handle it anymore.

My mom would always tell me it really is like this.. when you have a kid, you kindof don't have the right to get tired, or to complain that you're too exhausted.. I know comparing myself to other parents is just plain stupid, and well, just really stupid.. but when I see other parents I know, how come they seem so.. okay? That they have time to go out, and not feel guilty when they go out? Is it because they're partners, and not necessarily single parents? Makes me wonder who takes care of their kid(s) when they do go out.. and sometimes, I couldn't help but think, why can't I have that?

AGAIN, I love my kid, 100000%%%%, and if only I could take her out every time I get the urge to leave, I would. I feel guilty for wanting to be alone sometimes... but when she's borrowed, I can't sleep either. Is this how single parenthood really works?

And now I'm feeling the pressure of earning more.. so I'm exploring other opportunities, and yet still get pressured constantly.. I feel like it's unfair if I asked for a break.. but honestly? I do want one. A guilt-free break where I don't feel guilty about leaving Laela with my mom.. because I have this feeling that every time I get to rest, I get this judgy look from her, because she has to take care of my baby.

It's weird how work has become my "break".. how I get to spend some time by myself, and how 15 minutes of alone time brings me bliss.. I feel guilty, knowing that I feel happy being alone at times..

so am I the only one? Am I so unfair? Does it make me a bad person/mother/daughter to feel this way?

Dreading the answers to these questions.

Why the broken should not date

Let's face it. You wake up everyday thinking "oh boy, another day ahead". You dread life. Living. Laughing. You dread the happiness you feel for a fleeting moment, because you know that one day, all that happiness will be wiped away by one stupid mistake.

You are broken. You feel like your life has been nothing but a mash up of several mistakes that your parents made. You've never had a genuinely happy relationship. You held on for so long, onto the one person whom you thought you deserved. You wanted to prove to everyone that you can be happy, even though on most days, he's made you feel like sh*t.

You resort to making decisions that only made you happy for a short while. You disregard the consequences of your actions and believe that you only live once. You get tired of doing the right thing easily because hey, you're broken, and you've earned the right to make all these mistakes. You cling to flings, satisfy temporary urges, and believe that these things make you happy; that you're not committing to anything, hence you have shielded yourself from any potential hurt that can destroy you in magnitudes that you dare not imagine.

You are broken.

And you should not date.

For some people dating entails simply having fun; going out; making out; watching movies together, having dinner, without any commitments of forever.

But dating isn't just that. Dating is like foreplay; you get to know the person more, as you spend more nights together. Your hand-holding isn't just for fun anymore. You find solace in him. You find comfort. And sooner or later, you find yourself yearning for more.

You are broken. And you cannot be with anyone until you are made whole. Until you feel that you can stand on your own two feet, without having to look for someone to depend on to make you feel alive. Other people cannot make you whole. Yes, it sounds cheesy; it sounds like bullsh*t, especially when this comes from me, but the One who made you will be able to make you feel whole. Alive. Worthy. Beautiful. Loved. Continuously resorting to having some sort of relationship with anyone, no matter how temporary those relationships are, will just break you all the more. You know you can't commit just yet; yes, it's a mutual decision... but you're human, and you're broken. Sooner or later, you will ask for more. You will feel this burning desire to ask that person "why not me?"

And it all becomes a cycle. You destroy yourself. You tell yourself it's your fault for allowing such things to happen to you... for believing that you can be emotionless, for the sake of having such a companionship. Companionship. Instead of clinging onto every ounce of faith you have left in your heart, you cling to people. Relationships. Companions. Partners.

They will never be enough. It's a harsh truth.

You are broken, and you should not date. Not until you are fully ready. Not until you can finally say I'm okay. Not until you are completely stable...because otherwise, you will continue to make the same mistakes all over again. You will continue to hurt yourself more. You will continue to break.

Fix yourself. For the right person. Yes, there is nothing wrong with going out and having fun and being with the people whose company you thoroughly enjoy... but make sure you are going out for the right reasons. Ultimately, in the end, you are after your well-being. You are after being whole. Not because of other people, but because you were able to pick yourself up and fix your life, without having to drag anyone else down with you.