Date a guy who plays

an instrument, and not with your heart.

A guy who is a natural-born artist will have an imagination that will take you places.

He won't be able to take you to expensive restaurants, or take you to out-of-town trips on a whim; but he will be the type who sticks with the old-fashioned way of wooing a lady: written love letters, cards, or a composition, made just for you.

He will be the cheesy one who cries at movies you'd refuse to cry to. A guy who plays an instrument always has an iPod or a music player attached to him, and will have a song dedicated just for you. He will randomly ask you to listen to the song he's currently obsessed with, and you will share a bond over music, earphones, and probably a pack of peanuts will devouring his playlist.

He will ask you out by asking you to attend one of his gigs - not because he wants a groupie or a fan; but because he wants the whole world (or at least the current attendees of the said gig) to know that his heart already belongs to someone. He'll probably buy you an iced tea, and put his arm around your waist, as he guides you through the jam-packed club. He'll introduce you to all his band mates and friends, and this small gesture, believe me or not, is his small way of saying "she's mine, and I'm lucky".

A guy who plays an instrument will sometimes act more of a woman when he gets hurt, not because he is completely immature, but because he's an artist -- and artists feel differently unlike 'normal' people. He'll have his own way of coping with challenges, and he will open up to you like no other guy ever has. Value this trait, because as he shows his true colors and his weaknesses, he's starting to let you know that he's falling in love with you, and that he TRUSTS you, not only with his heart, but with his soul.

He won't be the richest guy in the planet, but he will make sure you are taken care of. He will be forgetful about his responsibilities sometimes, but once he puts his mind into something, he'll deliver, and won't disappoint.

A guy who plays an instrument will love you, more than you could imagine. With every money he earns, he will spend it on you, because in his own little way, he wants to make you feel like a princess. He'll be the one to do your laundry, sweep the floors when needed, and at the end of the day, no matter how difficult life has been for you, a guy who plays, will create memories that you'll find yourself smiling at.

I didn't just date a guy who plays an instrument; I married one, and now, we have a beautiful daughter named Laela. He may not be the perfect man, but God willed him to be the perfect partner for me. Sure, there are days when I want to bang his head against his drumset, or leave our house when he's not around; but crazy at is seems, he's still the one person I'm in love with, and will love until my last breath.

Here's an entry for Lance, the guy who plays, and my husband of 8 months today. :)

Why you should stay in a job that doesn't make you happy

Now before you make any rash judgments with what you just read, let me finish the statement by saying until you know you've exhausted all your efforts to explore all opportunities within the company.

That being said, opportunities do not just entail switching roles or looking for possible promotions. By opportunities, I mean, taking each challenge that you encounter as a chance to understand people more and to understand yourself more. More often than not, the temptation of leaving a company because a lot of people piss you off is very high. The allure of knowing you can get paid more in a different employment situation can easily drag you away from an opportunity within your company to better yourself. I know, understanding others takes a lot of patience and humility; but if you try to shift your perspective into being more optimistic about the challenges thrown at you, your hard work will sooner or later pay off.

I got this inspiration from a question thrown in tonight's Top Talent Launch, held at the Meralco Theater. Someone asked our speakers if they had been tempted to leave IBM, and what made them stay.

Candy Sotto admitted that she wanted to leave IBM -- twice. Dod Peralta didn't necessarily want to leave, but became unhappy with his role once. The other speaker (whom I forgot the name; I couldn't see her name on the screen, my eyesight has gone from bad to worse) also wanted to leave once because of her manager.

An answer from Dod Peralta struck me, and quickly inspired me to shift my perspective: "You don't leave by avoiding something; you leave by going for something you want". Leaving your current role CAN be a solution, just as long as you know you've exhausted all possible ways on how to solve your issue(s). However, leaving a company does not necessarily mean you've escaped whatever it is that you're trying to avoid. There is still a high risk of experiencing the same problem in your next job, but will probably be presented in a different type of environment or setting. Bottom line is: there isn't such a thing called a perfect job. Even though you are 100% passionate about what you do, some people will always make it difficult for you, whether you are excelling or not. We will always encounter hurdles in whatever line of work we choose to immerse ourselves in; it is in one's perspective, attitude, and mindset that sets each individual apart from everyone else.

If your manager is pissing you off, I know it's better said than done, but why not go through the proper channel and air out your grievances? If a colleague is giving you a hard time, why not go and confront the person in a professional manner? Before you give up on something that's not even potentially destructive, try to find ways in order for you to grow. Being able to handle such types of challenges will certainly upgrade your maturity level without you realizing it; otherwise, escapism will only lead to band-aid solutions.

Admittedly, I've been tempted to leave my job, and my medical benefits were the only things keeping me from resigning. However, upon much thought and discernment, I told myself that I wanted to make sure I've done my very best here before I look for opportunities elsewhere. I'm blessed that I don't have managers who yell at me or curse me or ask me to do overtime work or treat me as a slave driver. I'm blessed that I don't have colleagues who molest me or who blackmail me and ask me to do compromising actions in the office. Some people have undergone worse situations, and when I really think about it, most of the problems I've encountered were only minor setbacks to distract me from achieving my goals.

I think it's normal to question your career at some point in your employment history - it's OKAY. There is nothing wrong about thinking about your future and if you're completely wasting your time in a company; but just make sure that those thoughts don't cloud your judgment, and don't lead you to believe that what you're currently doing is nonsense and is not worth fighting for. Try not to be emotional, and ensure that you are in a right state of mind before making any decisions. Remember, we are not getting any younger, and having a job nowadays has become a luxury rather than an obligation.

Of course, being a slave driver to a company that doesn't treat you well is another story. When you know you're dragging yourself to work no matter how hard you try to shift your perspective may just be your go signal to start looking for opportunities elsewhere. Work is never easy, but it shouldn't have to make you feel depressed or demoralized.

On chasing my dreams.. for real, this time

When I was a lot younger, I envisioned myself to be Nancy Drew - a young, cool, and hip detective who solves even the most bizarre cases you can imagine.

When I was in high school, I wanted to become a DJ or a host. Hence, I applied for a Communications course in Ateneo.

When I was in college, I wanted to become a PR giant. I wanted to make people look good, the way I always thought that people possessed so much good in them, despite their more disappointing qualities.

Now that I'm with IBM, I discovered how much I want to become a trainer, and have been working hard to achieve that. 3 years into the corporate world, I meet people who suddenly tender their resignations to pursue the arts - film, fashion, and anything else you can imagine. I always thought those people have been so brave, to risk their regular, monthly, steady paychecks, for something that doesn't have a 100% success rate.

Now that I'm a wife and a mother, I have something bigger in mind - a business, because I know that settling to be an employee won't really make me rich. Yes, I do want to be rich, but the kind that doesn't worry about money or debt before going to sleep;

the kind who has enough savings for a family trip to Disney World or Lake Tahoe.
the kind who has enough money to give to her mom when she needs it
the kind who has enough money to send her mom to Europe as a birthday gift

That kind.

Not the kind who goes gaga over the most pointless purchases because material things are the only things that make him/her happy already.
Not the kind who has been manipulated by his own riches; and most definitely not the kind who has fallen in love with his money.

I'm seriously considering following my ultimate dream - and that is to become a makeup artist. Freelance or not, I want to be able to enhance people's beauty, and to be able to boost someone's confidence because they feel good about how they look.

So yes, I'm decided to chase this dream of mine. If not now, when?

Breastfeeding woes

I think the day has finally come when I have stopped being in denial: I don't think my milk supply will come back...any time soon, that is.

It's quite depressing, because I've always wanted Laela to be breastfed, even for just a year. I've even invested in buying pump accessories for the Medela Swing pump that my friend Trina gave me, but to no avail; drinking Fenugreek, Malunggay capsules, Malunggay tea has done nothing. All I get are silly little trickles, and nothing more.

I've been researching online regarding breastfeeding woes, and I was encouraged because one website indicated that relactation is possible; so now I've been texting/emailing different support groups regarding breastfeeding, because I am really desperate to get my supply back --- problem is, Laela has refused to latch, and she gets frustrated when I try to 'force' her. I know formula-fed babies (such as myself, and my siblings) aren't necessarily worse than breastfed ones, but I just miss Laela and I bonding over that, even though it sucked a lot of my energy (pun, intended). I miss being in pain when I don't get to breastfeed... I miss rushing home because Laela has to breastfeed. :( not only is it beneficial emotionally, but mind you, formula is very expensive, and imagine how much savings we can generate, should we refrain from buying milk.

Hay, Lord. It's all up to You. I just really hope that I'll be able to get my milk supply back despite the stress I get from work and elsewhere :(

It's raining men... not.

I can't imagine being in a situation where I'm stuck on my rooftop, & praying for my salvation.

It's been raining like crazy for weeks now, and blimey, this rain ain't no joke. I'm blessed to be situated in an area where a few hours' worth of rainfall isn't enough to flood my entire house. This weather has been such a hassle though: internet connection has been flukey, and going to work has been terrible; mind you, it's not easy waking up when you only have 2 hours of sleep, and bed weather to boot. I'm also fortunate enough to be able to hitch a ride with my brother-in-law to work, so I wouldn't have to ride a cab and brave the storm like everyone else. I remember going to work once before, commuting hardcore, and arriving at UPA looking like a homeless person. I was wet from head to toe, and had to dry myself in the rest room (thank God for hand dryers).

I'm happy to have understandable managers to approve my work from home needs... life has really changed since Laela was born. It's much more difficult, yet, it's a lot happier. My focus from myself and my work has shifted vastly towards my family, and thinking about myself has become secondary. It's all about my husband and daughter now, and even my workaholism has changed because of that.

So right now, I am mustering the energy to work properly, despite this bed weather. I really pray that the weather cooperates soon. Class suspension does help with the heavy traffic, but blimey, traveling in this weather is quite dangerous, whether or not you have your own car.

Praying for everyone to be safe, especially those in low-lying areas. I'm relieved to be at home, safe with my family, but concerned for those who still had to report to work and are now stranded, wondering how in the world they can go home in this condition.

Sky, please stop crying now...

On doing what you love, and liking the people around you

They say the corporate world has no room for real friends, or genuinely liking the people you work with. You go to work on time, work your arse off, take your lunch break, have a smoke or two (for some), log out, and go home.

Most people do not have the privilege of being surrounded by, to put it bluntly, genuinely likeable individuals. Some people, you'd treat as friends, only to find out they're the ones behind the gun: pulling the trigger of bullets filled with hate and criticism.

What's funny is how most people who suffer this kind of disrespect, are those who aren't even in competition with others.

That being said: would you rather, do what you love even if your co-workers aren't really that loveable?

Or do work that you may or may not love 100%, but your co-workers are simply awesome.

It's a tough choice, and it's a matter of prioritizing what you love more: your career growth, or your sanity.

Up too early

So I woke up today, thinking, 4:30 am is just too early.

But then I thought about it, and I simply shook my head. I'm supposed to be up this early, actually, I shouldn't even had slept last night --- which would result to me being awake the entire day, and feeling woozy at work later. Good luck to me. :))

I went downstairs to have breakfast, and found it peculiar that my Starbucks planner was on the dining table, seemingly untouched, but a pen was on top of it. I decided to flip through the pages, and lo and behold, found 3 new notes on it, in Lance's penmanship.

1 -- was on December 27th, and read "wedding anniversary <3 5th anniversary"
2 -- was on November 8th (his birthday) and read "I love you baby =)"
3 -- was what I didn't expect, and it was on July 15th, yesterday. It contained the sweetest note, telling me how much he misses me and how much he loves me, and 3 Bible verses from the service he attended yesterday.

See, it's these things like this one that make me realize that giving up (and the temptation to do so) may be the easy way out, but not necessarily the right one. I'm not exactly sure why I've been feeling some of these bouts of depression lately, but I guess I've been having a hard time dealing with certain emotions that I just find myself wanting to get out of everything. And I'm very thankful to my ever-patient husband that he keeps reminding me why I should keep holding on, and why I should be strong.

I guess waking up to this surprise gives me another sense of hope, especially for this coming week. I know more challenges are about to face me, especially at work, but I'll grab my strength from this. After all, what doesn't kill you, only makes you so much darn stronger.

Starting anew

So I decided to create a new account, both for Facebook and Twitter.

I know. It's a hassle, and I can easily lengthen my Blocked People list or by simply un-friending some people whom I no longer talk to; but being able to create both accounts from "scratch" just gives me a sense of... "newness". It's a new beginning, for my "cyber life", and a new beginning for myself.

---

In other news, baby Laela turned over from her belly to her back last July 8th! :) another milestone for our little girl. Next thing we know, she's starting to walk, talk, run, and play hide & seek with us.


No video taken though; while I was taking her video, Lance's iPod signaled that it lacked memory already, and while I was deleting the video I took, she finally turned over successfully. Talk about missing it again :)) but I'm sure, she'll surprise me, one of these days.

---

What is it with Facebook and Twitter that it's just so addicting? I was actually thinking of deactivating everything altogether, and just stop using both social mediums, but I just felt that it'll disconnect me from everyone else. Call me dependent on technology, but I think it's just how the world works now.

At least now, I can properly filter the people in my life already, at least in terms of the social platforms I use. I don't have to hide anything anymore, nor do I have to worry if people will have a problem with what I post. It's a worry-free environment for me at least.

So why did I get married again?

I wouldn't be surprised if someone told me I had my baby too early, and I got married before I was able to enjoy my single life to the fullest. I guess people just have varying perspectives as to what good choices are at certain points in your life.

I met Lance, my husband, last 2007 - back when my hair was a very noticeable auburn shade, cut so short, people called me Storm. We met at the most unconventional place two people could ever meet and fall in love in - the church. Though he wasn't the apple of my eye [yet] when I first came to GCF Ortigas, he noticed me first, but never made a move. Heck, I couldn't even remember being introduced to him properly then.

As months progressed, I was able to notice him already, probably because I wasn't that shy around the folks there anymore. Nothing still happened, and the closest "conversation" we ever had was him telling me that my dress was nice.

A month later, at a friend's despedida, the one question that started it all was "can I hitch a ride home with you?" And the rest is history.

We never really had the perfect relationship; in fact, my family was against us before, and mind you, it was a whirlwind romance indeed. We've both had our share of drama, ups & downs, "paglalayas" moments, and everything else you can imagine. It was as if someone was directing our love story, telenovela style. Drama kung drama lang, but we were happy nonetheless.

2 years later, on the windy shores of Pagudpud, Ilocos Norte, he proposed. Ring inside the box, he asked me if I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him, despite everything. I, of course, said yes, without hesitation. I knew I wanted to marry him even before he proposed. I promised myself I wouldn't be in a relationship, if I didn't want to marry the guy.

Roughly 2 years after, I got pregnant, but had a miscarriage. I was on the brink of giving up. I was considering it as a sign that maybe God didn't want us to be together anymore, and that it was time to walk away. 2 months after, I miraculously got pregnant again, despite my condition of having difficulty conceiving. Before we knew it, everything was falling into place, our families met, and we got married on our 4th anniversary.

Our love story was never what I had in mind. As a child, I always had that fairytale like imagination of what my love story was going to be like - blame Disney movies for that; but after being exposed to a dysfunctional living situation at an early age, I figured, we all have our own versions of what true love is all about; it's the imperfect kind of love, and yet, so passionate and so full of life at the same time. It's the kind of love that hurts, but is still so happy. It's a combination of all other feelings that you can think of - it's hatred, jealousy, contentment, giddyness, sincerity, forgiveness, it's everything.

So why did I get married again? ---

Was it because I got pregnant? -- no.
Was it because it felt right at the time? -- no.
Was it because it was what's best for our baby? -- no.

It was because we loved (and still love) each other, plain and simple. It doesn't have to be complicated, and it doesn't have to be over-analyzed. Though the circumstances that led to the marriage seem as if they were our reasons for doing so, they're not. I remember our Pastor telling us that the sequence of events of our love story just got mixed up; in the end, we were still meant to be together. I have my doubts sometimes, and even bouts of "lumayas ka na" moments during heated arguments; but really, I find myself wanting to keep my end of the bargain, to see everything through and through. Our wedding vows weren't just mere words that we read off some piece of paper. They were (and still are) promises made in front of God, and in front of our family and friends. They were God's way of telling us "it will be hard, but you can do it".

Being married for 6 months has taught me a lot of things, some which are very difficult to explain in one blog entry. In a nutshell, marriage is never easy, but it is up to you, husbands & wives, to make things work, and to align your decisions to what you think God is asking you to do. It never really is about you 100%, most especially now, that we have a baby daughter to raise.

My [unsolicited] advice to other young, married couples out there is -- it really is hard, most especially if your finances are not much; arguments will arise along the way, because naturally you care; it might seem as if leaving is the best option because you're too tired to over-think and argue, and your patience is running out; but as long as you respect each other, and believe that God is molding you to become the strongest couple you can ever be, you will be able to handle challenges, no matter how hard they are -- so as long as you work together and strive really hard to go through everything as a team. Love your partner, despite his/her shortcomings. Forgive, even though it hurts. Let go of past hurts, and move on. Don't recount past mistakes and use them to your advantage. 1 Corinthians 13 has always been the best guide to love (for me). In the end, each challenge you face as a couple will transform itself into milestones, that will make you smile when you look back, and say "I'm glad we faced that together".

A letter to my baby daughter

Dear Laela,

It's been 3 months since I gave birth to you, and you've been nothing but awesome. I remember being so sleepless when they roomed you in with us at the hospital, and I ended up staying awake for 48 hours. I could never fathom how I was able to survive, and how my body was able to handle such stress; but I knew, that staying awake for you was going to be forever worth it.

I remember how I cried when I first held you; after hearing the doctors say "OK na, ayan na!" I couldn't wait to hold you. I remember hearing your first cry, and experiencing your first latch. I remember everything, much more than I remember portions of my 'past life' before we had you.

You see, you have made me feel more alive, and being able to hold you for the first time awoken my purpose here on earth - I was meant to be a mom. I was meant to be YOUR mom.

Your daddy and I have struggled through the years, but have managed to stay in love with each other in spite of everything. When we lost our first baby, I thought I wasn't going to handle it anymore; I was so scared when I found out I was pregnant again, and the first thing that entered my mind was "I'm not going to lose this one; I can't lose this one".

You're growing up so fast. I can't believe in 3 months time, you'll be able to turn over, giggle, and start "singing/talking" to us. Seeing your gummy smile zaps all my stress away, and every time I have to leave for work, I instantly count the hours until I can come home to you again.

Our lives have been so much better and much more colorful with you around. I have never seen  your grammy THIS happy.. I have never seen your daddy THIS happy.

You are the perfect gift. Money can be nice too, but I will never trade you for anything. I can't wait for you to be able to say "mommy & daddy", and when you do, I'm sure my heart will leap out of my chest.

There's a lot for you to learn, but for now, crawling and talking will do. We love you baby Laela, and I hope we end up to be parents whom you can be proud of, and whom you can love back immensely.

<3,

Mommy

When focusing on the good

Makes everything all better.

I have come to realize that being emotional about things makes it easier for the demons in your life to catch up to you. Although everyone needs a good cry once in a while, the tears are best kept in the confines of your own home, where the people who truly matter to you are the only ones who are aware of how you truly feel.

Today marked my daughter's first turn over -- a milestone, that most babies achieve during their 4th month, Laela was able to do in her 3rd :)

This alone, is a blessing for me, and my husband was lucky enough to have been the one to witness it.

The past few weeks were clouded with negativity, no matter how hard I tried to fight it. There were moments when I felt that I wanted to leave, to disappear, just so I can get away from everything; from everyone.

But then I realized that letting people get to you is not worth it. Focusing on the bad will only bring more bad in your life, when there's so much to be thankful for. As I stated in my Facebook status, don't decide, speak, or act upon something, unless your heart & mind are in the right place. Emotions always get the best of us - we're human, and we're highly susceptible to acting impulsively. Sometimes, we need to take a breather and to take a step back in order to see things in a different perspective; to review and analyze why people act in a certain way, or why people don't like you at all. They may have their reasons, but at the end of the day, what matters the most is if you're happy with who you are, and if you think God is happy the way you are, then you're fine.

I'm glad that I was able to stand up for what I believed was right, and that I was able to confront what I had to face. I know it takes great courage to stand up to people, but it also takes great courage to be able to swallow what people have to tell you. People will never be perfect, and I know I'll never be. I guess as long as I am able to respect others, and to make sure that I don't step on other people or offend my friends, then I guess I'll be pretty happy with how I've become. I may not be the perfect wife, mother, daughter, sister, or employee...but I know I try my best to be there for the people who matter. I know I try my best to deliver at work, and I know that I try my best to be able to attend to the needs of my family, either emotional or financial.

I'm not sure if the bridges that have been burnt are still worth salvaging... it sucks when relationships end, and when the people whom you thought were never gonna stab you in the back end up doing so... there's room for forgiveness, and I know that things can be patched up, but maybe not now. Bahala na lang. If it's meant to happen, then it will. :)

At the end of the day, I'd rather focus on the people who genuinely care about me... if others decide to make an effort to bring back what used to be, then I'm all for it; but for now, I'm fine with taking things one day at a time :)

Baby turns 3 months old :)

Been a mom for 3 months...and it's been absolutely rewarding.

The sleepless nights, the tantrum frustrations, depletion of finances.... are all worth it, because I get to wake up to this little angel. I can't believe it's been 3 months already. Time has flown so fast, and it's true, you really have to enjoy every little moment of every day, because before you know it, your baby's crawling, and walking, and talking before your very eyes.

Sumakit man ulo ko sa trabaho, alam kong ikaw ang uuwian ko...

If only teleportation were possible... every time I can go on break, I'd instantly "jump" back home and snuggle you when I can. If only I can bring you to work, since you're tiny enough to fit inside my bag.. :)) *sigh* no bias here, but I find you to be totally adorable, and cute, and spazz-worthy. You are God's greatest blessing to me and your dad.

Every time I come home, I hurry up the stairs just so I can lie down next to you already. Every time I come home, the way you smile at me just brightens my day almost instantly.

I'm very happy that you're in our lives, despite the challenges. I'm so blessed to be a mother of such an amazing baby. I know you'll grow up to be smart & beautiful :) Hay... words escape me when I want to talk about you... all I can say is, GOD, THANK YOU FOR THIS. :)

Disclaimer: if you don't want to read this, then don't. :)

It's as simple as not making an effort to click on the link of my blog. I've often had "haters" whenever I post something, which is probably why I quit writing before.

But that's the thing -- who can judge if you're a good writer or not? Isn't a blog supposed to be a writer's avenue to let his thoughts out, and it's the public's discretion, whether or not they will read what has been posted?

See, that's what I don't get when people complain about other writers. A link is displayed, and it's up to you if you want to click it. It's as simple as that. :) If you think my writing sucks, then go ahead, don't read what I have to say. It's not like I force people to read my content, and ask my viewers to comment on what they see. A blog is my simple way of not flooding my Twitter/Facebook feeds with my thoughts.

So I can make it private; but I choose to make it public, JUST BECAUSE. Do I really need to explain myself? I.Don't.Think.So. :)

----

Anyway, I'm quite excited with what's about to transpire at work.. lots of challenges indeed, but I'm game for anything. I can see how this workforce has molded me into a stronger person, even though sometimes I still tend to get a little immature and emotional. I guess it's because I'm just human, and I'm striving to become a better person. I have a daughter, and I want to be able to impart to her certain things that cannot be taught in a classroom.

Kahit Atenista ka pa, UPista, taga-UST, Lasalista...pare-parehas yang hindi makakapagturo ng magandang asal. A person's foundation, character, and the values that he/she will inculcate, are solely formed in the household... so I know I have to set a good example to Laela, because I want her to be the best person that she can be - a lady worthy of respect, and who can be admired because she possesses admirable traits.

For me, what matters is LEGACY.. what I am able to leave behind, whether it be regarding my family or my work. I want to be able to leave something behind that's worth remembering in a positive light. I want my legacy to be admirable, worth sharing, and something that my family can be proud of --- after all, what I do, is mainly for them. If they can't be proud of me, then I know I have failed.

Emotional threshold has been reached

When a person tries to remain strong all the time, there will come a point where one's emotional threshold will be reached. It's not because the person is weak or the person has chosen to give up, but it's because the she/he simply has had enough.

I for one, need a good cry. I just feel like I have reached that point where I just want to smack everyone senseless for all the horrible things they've done to me. I keep trying to shrug it off, convince myself that I can be the better person, and that I will choose to be respectful even though they don't deserve it...but now, I just feel like screaming or crying or leaving everything behind.

Bahala kayo sa mga buhay ninyo.

Yung tipong, gusto mo na lang sila lahat barahin, sigawan, sampalin, sagasaan. Lahat na. Ang sarap umalis, ipamukha sa kanilang lahat na hindi ko sila kailangan.

I hate how people have caused me to doubt myself; to question myself if I am good enough, if I deserve things, or if I have fulfilled expectations. Nakakapuno na lang talaga.

Sa mga nanininira sakin: huwag niyo na akong ngitian at pansinin, dahil alam ko namang ayaw ninyo sakin. Let's just all act our age, and be true to ourselves.

Sa mga nanunumbat sakin: wag na kayong gumawa ng maganda para sakin, kung susumbatan niyo rin naman ako sa huli. You do good things out of the goodness of your heart, and NOT BECAUSE YOU CAN USE IT TO YOUR ADVANTAGE WHEN YOU FIND THE OPPORTUNITY TO DO SO. Parakepa na gumawa ka ng maganda kung isusumbat mo rin naman sa huli.

I don't want to care anymore. Basta ako, gagawin ko kung ano sa tingin ko ang tama at mas makakabuti sa lahat. Kung may problema kayo sakin, KEBER KO. I have a family already, a daughter to raise, and my own personal problems to take care of. I have no time for you and your hurtful assumptions. If you have questions about my credibility as a worker, as a wife, as a MOTHER or as a daughter, DIRETSUHIN NIYO AKO. Wag yung ipapadaan niyo pa sa iba o patatagalin, tapos isusumbat din naman sa huli. If you feel that you are right about something, then go ahead and tell me directly. Hindi yung sa huli ko pa malalaman, at pinagmukha pa akong tanga. If you are mature enough, get to know me first before QUESTIONING ME. Dahil ako sa lahat ng ayaw ko, kinukwestiyon ako at sinusumbatan.

I admit that I am not perfect, and I have my GENUINE friends to thank for their transparency. The real people in my life have always told me if I'm doing something wrong. If you can't be one of them, then it's not my loss. People have the right to their own opinion; but if it's a foul opinion, MAKE SURE IT WON'T REACH ME kung wala naman kayong balak ipaalam sakin. Kung sisiraan niyo lang din ako eh mamili kayo ng pagsasabihan. Dahil tama ang dati kong boss: lahat ng bagay nakakarating sa taong sinisiraan. There's a big difference between constructive criticism at yung gusto lang mang-okray at manira.

There's a difference between talking to someone about your problem regarding a person, and talking to different sets of people na wala namang kinalaman sa pinag-uusapan niyong tao, at ipagkakalat mo na ganun yung tao. Ako mismo hindi perpekto. Nagrarant din ako tungkol sa mga tao o bagay na nakakapagpainit ng ulo ko; but I choose who I talk to. I only talk to the people I trust, and more often than not, I don't even drop names. Dahil ako, naiinis lang ako sa ugali ng tao specifically, at hindi sa tao mismo. "hate the sin, and not the sinner" ika nga.

As much as possible, I like to focus on the good side of people; but based on what I've been learning lately, it's as if people choose the blame game; it's as if it's such a fun hobby to disrespect people and to nit-pick people's mistakes and turn it into a discussion. I'm starting to get tired of all these bullcrappy stuff.

I'm just afraid that one day, I'd snap and I'd start telling people off, that my thoughts will turn into word vomit and I won't be able to restrain myself.

Sige lang.. galitin niyo lang ako.. makikita niyo hinahanap ninyo.

Disappointment

I know we're not supposed to expect; but as human beings, aren't we wired to do so?

By default, we're emotional. We're human beings. We feel. We expect. We try our best not to, but deep inside our repressed memories, deep inside this certain part of our brain, we always cling to this tiny light of hope that people aren't that bad; that people aren't disappointing; that somehow, someday, people will change for the better.

News flash.

More often than not, they don't.

The characters they have chosen to build will breed certain unfortunate values until they grow older, or until they reach this certain point in their lives, where a life-changing, life-altering experience bumps their head big time and allows them to change.

Or at least, "change" in the sense that they momentarily have this all natural high of respect and positivity, until they shrink back to their poisonous selves.

Sounds negative?

I'd like to think I've been more exposed to the world of REALITY.

Reality bites. It does. It's just up to us how to choose which bits of reality we'd like to dive ourselves into. Life isn't all happy rainbows and unicorns; despite the difficulties though, I still choose to surround myself with the people I know I can be proud of, the people I know I can respect. It's these people who make me feel that even though life can be very disappointing, it can still be worth living, because we get to experience happy moments once in a while.

Disappointment...something I deal with everyday...but at least I know that these things push me to become a better person at work, with my family, or with my friends.

Work work work

Thank goodness I have not suffered from separation anxiety yet. It helps that my laptop wallpaper isn't of Laela or Lance, otherwise, I'd be itching to go home once I've stepped inside the 1800 building.

So far, work has been okay. Still not yet too busy, but sometimes I look for work, since no work means time moving too slowly. Sometimes I feel guilty not being able to do anything, at the same time, I guess it's a healthy way for me to adjust back to working at night again.

The sleeping room has been my best friend lately. I've been falling asleep at 6AM, right when Lance leaves for work, and I end up waking up around lunch time, which is why I end up feeling really drowsy once early morning sets in.

So I'm in a new team now... new people, new process, new everything. I'm excited for the opportunities that will come my way, and hopefully, I will be able to make something of myself in my new work life. Let's see... after all, it's all up to Him. :)

Blabber blabber.. I'll see if I get to write something more substantial next time :)) til then... :)

"Work hard and be kind"

I saw this quote in Facebook, and it's made me realize a lot of things (as always)...

I have never been a fan of crab mentality. I have always been the type of person who becomes happy for another person's success, because I know that another person's progress in the company means more progress for the company itself; plus the fact that I know that one day, that could be me.

I've been with IBM for 3 years now, and over the course of time, I have met some distinctly honorable people, and some people I'd rather just forget about. The latter has become a disappointment, and I am inherently surprised by the fact that some people tend to bring along their high school attitude to work.

True what they say, "growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional".

Maturity can never be dictated by age, nor does a company dictate one's work ethics. It all boils down to the person's character, and what that person chooses to do with the work given to him/her.

I had a manager once, who told me that complaining is not attractive. I kept telling myself before that I'm only human, and I do have the right to complain - I'm not Superman.

When I became a tenured employee, that's when I realized that complaining, indeed, is such an ugly thing to see. Hearing and seeing competent people rant about their work out loud (which I am guilty of at times) is kind of a turn off.  I had to see other people do it in order for me to realize that my complaining was not attractive at all. It's work - not everything about it is easy. My manager was right - you're working; it's part of your work - deal with it. We all deal with it. We all have to deal with it. It's called being employed.

In 3 years, I've come to know that being kind - not just to your bosses, but also to your fellow employees (no matter how stupid or lazy they can be at times) can bring forth amazing things. Having this sense of understanding towards your peers can go a long way, and can harvest maturity and growth, without you realizing it. Telling one's self that others are also in pain, or are going through something even when they don't show it, can help us be more kind towards others, especially to those whom we don't look up to, or to those that we even dislike.

Lastly, being kind to our work itself, will make us appreciate that being employed is better than nothing. Here's to the jobs that pay the rent, put food on our table, and allow us to enjoy our frappuccinos, Sereniteas, and Happy Lemons. Here's to the jobs that let us watch the Avengers twice, and buy the clothes we've been dying to have since we saw them on display.

To work hard and be kind -- it's not easy; but it is doable, should we put our minds and hearts into it.

Try it. It could do you some good, and it could even put a smile on someone's face without you knowing it.

Your bid could save a life

I spoke to my kabarkada, Kim Castillo, about a fashion show for a cause. She, together with Hiyasmin Neri of Bagellia Filipinas, will be hosting a fashion show for the #aidforjoyce campaign this coming May 30th.

The details are as follows:

Come join us in our event: "Fashion and Compassion!"

A fundraising bag auction for aid for Joyce and the Bagellia Filipinas launch
**Message us for guaranteed seats and table**

In partnership with:
Scarlet Lounge
Click Productions
Edifice Studios
Prima Stella Talent Management
Slate Planner
Moon Leaf Don Antonio
Soul Flower
Strip It!
Le Faerie Cosmetics
Green Rides
Versatile

Special thanks to:
Das shoes
Dear Kate

Your bid could save one's life!

Photography by Ej Luis Alonso
Styling by Hiyasmin Neri
Studio Location at Edifice Studio
Models: Caroline Rüegg, Theresa Jose, Hiyasmin Neri

Clothes by Dear Kate and Versatile
Shoes by DAS (warning: these shoes can kill!)

 

***

 

Background of this is, Joyce is around our age, and is terminally ill, due to a condition called Biliary atresia. She needs P12 million for an operation that could save her. I'm sure we all know the value of life, in one way or another. Hope you could support this cause if you have the time :)

 

 

Mom Tip # 1:

Do what you can while your baby is asleep.

To all my fellow first-time mommies out there, if there's one thing I've learned in 2 months, it's when your baby's asleep when you can actually do the following:

- sleep
- cook
- sleep
- do household chores such as: cleaning and/or doing the laundry
- SLEEP
- take a bath
- have your alone time
- in my case, I get to write

Sometimes though, I find it hard to move around and function, because there are times when I actually enjoy watching my daughter sleep. I know, I know... I should be resting instead of writing or cleaning or cooking, but while I still do not have hired help, it's when she's asleep that I actually get my "alone time" and I get to go online and blog and just be a normal human being for a couple of minutes, until she fidgets and clamors for breastfeeding time.

Her sleeping schedule gets better in due time of course (thank God for that). Her usual 2-hour sleep schedule has now turned to at least 4 to 6 hours, which has become heavenly for both me and my husband. It's just the first few weeks after your baby's born when the ultimate "puyatan" sessions happen.

If there's one thing I realized over the course of time is... moms really do have the knack of getting things done, even though we don't have enough energy anymore.

I salute all the moms out there, especially the first time moms! If you have any questions or other tips for that matter, please, don't hesitate to leave a comment after reading this.

Ciao! Off to more Facebooking for me while both my babies are asleep - Lance and Laela, heehee.

Tact vs. Truth

I find that there will always be a fine line between being tactless and being truthful.

While I've always been a fan of telling things as it is, and not sugar coating anything, sometimes, being tactful is still the way to go.

Being blunt has its limits. Not everything in your head should be voiced out and translated into solid. cold. hard. words. People have feelings too, and mind you, what you think is not always the truth. Sure, we are all entitled to our opinion -- after all, the Philippines is democracy personified; however, there really are some things that should be left unsaid.

Especially when you're only my dad's sister, and the fact that we haven't seen you in years.

or when you're only my dad's first cousin, whose existence only became known to us....YESTERDAY.

And being waaaaaaaaaaaaay older than me, still does not merit you the license to be so blunt about...well, some things that should not be blunt about.

First

I haven't written a blog entry...in the longest time. I guess I didn't have the luxury of time anymore, knowing that I have more responsibilities on my shoulders.

I could never get how women do it -- how to be a great wife, a model employee, and a responsible mother, while still keeping at least 90% of their sanity in tact. I'm still on maternity leave, but the pressure of coming back to work, and taking care of my husband and my daughter, is slowly taking its toll. I have to make sure that our house is clean, that I get to take care of Laela, our daughter, AND I have to make sure I get to cook so we can have something to eat.

Yes, I know, it's so easy for me to get a maid so I don't have to do pretty much everything, but the thing is, it's not that easy to get someone you can trust, most especially that we're new in this area, not to mention, our street is full of ... "people watchers" AKA mga tambay sa barber shop, karinderya, at vulcanizing shop. Imagine our paranoia, especially when we have to leave our baby alone, should we get a helper.

Mahirap na ang panahon ngayon. Mahirap magtiwala.

And plus, having a maid will entail additional cost. Every time you go out, alanganamang iwan mo sa bahay ang maid, at hindi mo pakainin... having a baby already incurs additional expenses...what more a maid -- a full-grown human being?

Anyway.

I have roughly 2 weeks left in my leave, and I'll be coming back to work on the 1st of June. Mind you, I've been transferred to a different team, which means, I'd have to learn new processes once more. The thing is, I like change, and I like being challenged. I just hope I can live up to peoples' expectations, especially MY OWN.

Lastly.

Miracle how I was able to cook today. Thank God for Laela's basket, I was able to put her down for a bit, and deep fry them wings for my husband. In all fairness, and thanks to McCormick, my husband loved them :D