Branded

I don't necessarily hold the most attractive track record when it comes to relationships. I used to be the trophy girl - The one who can instantly be introduced to your family; the one you can brag about. Not being the prettiest girl you can find really, but character, good breeding, and a good education go a long way. I had the [almost] perfect credentials, even though I come from a dysfunctional family.

If my life would be printed out on a resume right now, two things could probably make you chuck it straight into the 'reject' pile of applicants -

SINGLE MOM.
SEPARATED.

I'm officially a part of this statistic where an X number of marriages per year in some country fails. I'm branded into the category of Extremely Complicated, Handle with Care or Run for your Life when and while you can. I'm basically a potential red flag, unless you're part of that douchey group that thinks single moms are sex-deprived human beings, and there's nothing hotter than an experienced hot mommah trying to get some. No. just. No.

Thing is, no matter how heavily complicated my life is, I still want to embrace this new chapter in my life. It's extremely scary, and I feel like I'm treading on more challenging paths ahead, because I'm not just thinking about myself anymore. I'm a 'buy 1 take 1' deal. A package, like a pack of twin popsies, that you'd have to buy in its entirety because you don't have a choice. Everything that I do, think, or say, should be aligned to what is ultimately best for my daughter. It's not about me anymore. It's about her.

I can't help but think about the future, more than the average human being. I can't go YOLO in my head. I can't go and act like the average 25-year-old, who spends Labor Day in Boracay, and dirty dances with strangers in a packed club. I can't drown my sorrows in shot glasses or tequila shots.

But wait, I actually can.. but I won't.

I don't want to be like those moms who would act as if they don't have a kid. I don't want to be like those parents who would introduce different partners to their kids because they can't seem to stick to one, or they can't seem to accept the fact that they are 'single' (in my case, well... technically single.. you know what I mean).

I've never been shy about my situation; in fact, I found myself to be more open, most especially about having a daughter, and having to protect yourself from an abusive person. Someone once asked me what my biggest achievement in life is... and I told that person, that mustering the courage to leave an abusive relationship was probably it. Most people get stuck, and spend years of their lives covering something up that is meant to be made known. A lot of wives have made excuses about bruises they have on their arms. A lot of women stay in marriages for the sake of their children, and end up having to raise emotionally-battered kids, because they had to witness such acts. Most people probably have raised their eyebrows at me because of making that decision -- but I don't care. I know it's for the best, and I know that I'm much happier now.

Yes, religion would dictate that one should not get divorced or separate from their husband; but how can one, who suffers from such abuse, not leave? How can one spend every waking hour praying that her husband would change for God, and not see any ounce of improvement from him? I'm only human, and I have had enough... so please, I would appreciate if people would refrain from giving me lectures, because you don't know what I had to go through in a span of almost 5 years.

At the end of the day, some goodbyes are indeed more necessary than wanted, and some situations, though tainted they are to the public eye, still have a layer of happiness if you would just look close enough. I saw my silver lining. I saw my opportunity to embrace the happiness and love that I truly deserve. The road to healing hasn't been easy, but the possibility of being completely okay is now within my reach.. I just really have to want it bad enough, and to believe in God that everything will be okay. :)