1. He hits you. -- this is a no-brainer, yet a lot of us who have been abused physically find it hard to leave. Why? When there's a lull, a long interval from the last time he's hit you, you begin to think that there's a change.
If he's hit you once, he can hit you again. Get out.
2. He regularly curses you/calls you names/speaks to you in a very disrespectful manner -- physical abuse is one thing; but emotional abuse is another. Words can have a piercing effect on you psychologically and emotionally. If you're into S&M, well, I can't blame you...but really?
3. He cheats on you -- well, some people survive and get past this; but I realized that once trust is broken, the relationship turns into either
a) a blame game and
b) every questionable thing he does makes you think that he's cheating. Again. Then you start arguing about the littlest things, and you bring up the fact that he's cheated on you so he doesn't have the right to blame you for being paranoid. You check his phone, and peruse through every message just to check if he's being the good guy that he says he is.
"There's such a thing as women's intuition; nahuli ka na nga, deny ka pa rin"
Ah paranoia, everyone's enemy.
4. He doesn't like your family -- Okay fine, your mom may be a difficult to please, or your siblings may be weird for him... but if he doesn't like your family to the point that he refuses to see them or to go to family gatherings with you. If he doesn't like them now, what makes you think he'll like them next year?
5. Your family doesn't like him -- listen to your family's advice... unless he's already like Prince William, rich, good looking, he treats you right, and your family is just psychotic enough not to like him, then that's another story. If there's something that they can't seem to put a finger on, at least try to consider listening to what their advice is. They might be noticing something you
Having a "you and me against the world" type of relationship is difficult. So unless you're willing to live that kind of life until you marry the guy, and try to survive all the awkward family dinners with him, then by all means, continue your relationship.
6. He forces you to change your religion -- religious beliefs, if conflicting...can create a lot of tension. If he forces you to convert to his religion, just so you will be allowed to date each other is something to think about. (disclaimer: I was never forced to be baptized as a Born Again mkaay :))
7. He gets jealous. Like all the time. -- he thinks all your guy friends are hitting on you, and he thinks that every guy who talks to you is your guy on the side. He thinks you constantly cheat on him because of his malicious mind. If you have to explain EVERY TIME, better think if this is the person you want to be with.
8. He picks a fight with you or reprimands you in public -- having arguments is normal; conflict is inevitable; but if he does this in public and humiliates you as if you're in some movie scene, get out while you can. If a guy is truly mature enough to handle your differences, he will opt to speak with you in private. And calmly, as much as possible.
9. He takes time away from your family or friends -- if your loved ones start noticing that you suddenly don't have ANY time for them, rethink your relationship status. A good guy would want you to keep spending time with him, as much as you spend time with your family and friends. Better if he actually wants to spend time with them too.
10. When he says everything is your fault (and refuses to believe he makes mistakes too) -- pride is an evil thing. If he keeps thinking that every little thing is your fault, then there's something seriously wrong with how his mind works. A mature person explores all areas of an argument before jumping to conclusions.
11. He isn't a God-fearing person -- This actually should be number 1 on your list.
If the person you're with does not, in any way, love or fear God, reconsider if this is the person you want to be with. You can never change a person -- yes, we always have this dream that a person would change for the better because of us, but really, we could never be fully responsible for someone's positive change. Even if he claims that he's a Christian, but his actions say otherwise, THINK long and hard if this commitment is something that you would want to continue.
12. He doesn't have goals;if he does have some, he doesn't have the right mindset to materialize those goals -- look for a man who has doable, realistic goals; better yet, go for the guy who actually has the means to materialize those goals. In the long run, a person who is responsible enough to make a life for himself says a lot about his character and how responsible he is.. and will be, once you take your relationship to the next level. He may not be the richest guy, but think again if he can't even treat you out for coffee... or crackers.
It's not being "mata-pobre" or looking down on people who aren't financially stable; but even those who don't have the highest financial income are still able to put food on the table.
....and I bet there are a lot of other red flags to watch out for, but these are the basic ones that I've come up with. Don't stay in a relationship, holding the "sayang eh" mentality over your head; don't stay with a person just because you want to prove to everyone else that you can have a long-lasting (but secretly unhappy) relationship; don't stay because people expect it of you; don't stay just because you feel like there's no one else.
Don't stay, thinking this is what you deserve. perks of being a wallflower had it right: "we accept the love we think we deserve". Everyone, no matter how their past is, or how messed up their situation is right now, deserves to be truly happy, to be with a person who treats them right. Sometimes, loving someone also means letting them go, if they're not right for you anymore.
No comments:
Post a Comment