It gets tiring

When people keep asking me relentlessly "so why did you let him do those things to you?"

My answer - I was in love, blinded, and was shamelessly stupid.

I'm sure at least once in our lives, we've made that mistake of falling for the wrong person.
Of thinking "he'll change", when at the back of our heads, we're counting down the days until we need -- until we have -- to break up with them eventually.

Truth be told, I've always wanted to leave. I always knew I had to; and the answer to your question why hadn't I sooner? Well, lemme go back to square one - I don't know. I really don't. I guess I've always been the type of person who loves giving chances, who sees a glimmer of hope every time a person shows me an act of kindness. I hate thinking the worst in people, because I know how painful it is to be judged and to be thought of in a negative way, just because of one mistake I've committed in the past.

But then again, it wasn't really a practical means of survival. I let someone devalue how I should have seen myself. I disrespected myself, loved myself less because I believed that was the kind of love I deserved. I kept thinking, this will all stop eventually; that maybe in the long run, my love for this person would make him realize that he's been an asshole, yet someone still decided to stick around a little longer because ultimately, no one can be THAT bad, right?

WRONG.

It was a reality I had to face in the end. That maybe, I was really the wrong person for him, which is why I never brought out the best in him, whatever or wherever that was.

Did I ever imagine we'd end up like this? Maybe, a part of me did; but I always kept hoping that things would get fixed, when apparently, leaving was the best solution all along.