Not everything's meant to last

It's a cliche, that saying "change is the only constant thing in this world". Marriages fail, they crumble; people break up; employees get fired; children move out; and the list goes on.

Not everything's meant to last; but I don't see this as a bad thing. More often than not, things don't last just because they're not meant to be. It's a fact of life; but it doesn't mean that God doesn't replace those things with better ones.

Case in point: my miscarriage back in 2011. I thought my world crashed and burned. I lost weight due to depression; couldn't eat at all, and kept thinking it was my fault my baby lost her heart beat. 2 months later, Laela was conceived. :)

And I had to learn the hard way. My marriage has crumbled. It destroyed me and admittedly sometimes, when I see them together (Laela and her daddy), my heart gets pinched, just a little. I keep thinking, if I had stayed, had I not moved out, would things have gotten better?

But I know I tried. For 5 years, I did.. I kept praying, went to counseling, did everything that I could while I was with him; played good cop-bad cop during arguments and discussions... tried being nice, tried being strict.. basically I know I have exhausted all means to save what we had.. but staying through all that also made me realize, what if I was never right for him in the first place. There are some things that we have to face, and maybe, this is one of them - this wasn't meant to last.

Don't get me wrong, I am fine with it. I have been happier than I have ever been in my life; most people have been telling me that I look different, happier.. my face looks lighter, stress-free.

And the best part is: I am not afraid to wake up one day, fearing that I might get beaten up once more.

I have left that part of my life, and have charged it to experience. I know, people are not perfect, and I wasn't the perfect wife..but I also know that I tried my best, and I guess, all this was really not meant to be.

Now I find myself getting to know more people; getting treated better...and I have come to realize that there are good ones out there; that despite my situation, some people can still accept me for who I was, who I am now, and who I can potentially be in the future. It's a comforting feeling, knowing that somehow, God is still carefully paving this path for me, even though I'm blinded by fear and doubt most of the time. I think little by little, I am getting back on track now. I just hope this goes on longer than I expect it to. :)