Let's face it. You wake up everyday thinking "oh boy, another day ahead". You dread life. Living. Laughing. You dread the happiness you feel for a fleeting moment, because you know that one day, all that happiness will be wiped away by one stupid mistake.
You are broken. You feel like your life has been nothing but a mash up of several mistakes that your parents made. You've never had a genuinely happy relationship. You held on for so long, onto the one person whom you thought you deserved. You wanted to prove to everyone that you can be happy, even though on most days, he's made you feel like sh*t.
You resort to making decisions that only made you happy for a short while. You disregard the consequences of your actions and believe that you only live once. You get tired of doing the right thing easily because hey, you're broken, and you've earned the right to make all these mistakes. You cling to flings, satisfy temporary urges, and believe that these things make you happy; that you're not committing to anything, hence you have shielded yourself from any potential hurt that can destroy you in magnitudes that you dare not imagine.
You are broken.
And you should not date.
For some people dating entails simply having fun; going out; making out; watching movies together, having dinner, without any commitments of forever.
But dating isn't just that. Dating is like foreplay; you get to know the person more, as you spend more nights together. Your hand-holding isn't just for fun anymore. You find solace in him. You find comfort. And sooner or later, you find yourself yearning for more.
You are broken. And you cannot be with anyone until you are made whole. Until you feel that you can stand on your own two feet, without having to look for someone to depend on to make you feel alive. Other people cannot make you whole. Yes, it sounds cheesy; it sounds like bullsh*t, especially when this comes from me, but the One who made you will be able to make you feel whole. Alive. Worthy. Beautiful. Loved. Continuously resorting to having some sort of relationship with anyone, no matter how temporary those relationships are, will just break you all the more. You know you can't commit just yet; yes, it's a mutual decision... but you're human, and you're broken. Sooner or later, you will ask for more. You will feel this burning desire to ask that person "why not me?"
And it all becomes a cycle. You destroy yourself. You tell yourself it's your fault for allowing such things to happen to you... for believing that you can be emotionless, for the sake of having such a companionship. Companionship. Instead of clinging onto every ounce of faith you have left in your heart, you cling to people. Relationships. Companions. Partners.
They will never be enough. It's a harsh truth.
You are broken, and you should not date. Not until you are fully ready. Not until you can finally say I'm okay. Not until you are completely stable...because otherwise, you will continue to make the same mistakes all over again. You will continue to hurt yourself more. You will continue to break.
Fix yourself. For the right person. Yes, there is nothing wrong with going out and having fun and being with the people whose company you thoroughly enjoy... but make sure you are going out for the right reasons. Ultimately, in the end, you are after your well-being. You are after being whole. Not because of other people, but because you were able to pick yourself up and fix your life, without having to drag anyone else down with you.
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