Emotional threshold has been reached

When a person tries to remain strong all the time, there will come a point where one's emotional threshold will be reached. It's not because the person is weak or the person has chosen to give up, but it's because the she/he simply has had enough.

I for one, need a good cry. I just feel like I have reached that point where I just want to smack everyone senseless for all the horrible things they've done to me. I keep trying to shrug it off, convince myself that I can be the better person, and that I will choose to be respectful even though they don't deserve it...but now, I just feel like screaming or crying or leaving everything behind.

Bahala kayo sa mga buhay ninyo.

Yung tipong, gusto mo na lang sila lahat barahin, sigawan, sampalin, sagasaan. Lahat na. Ang sarap umalis, ipamukha sa kanilang lahat na hindi ko sila kailangan.

I hate how people have caused me to doubt myself; to question myself if I am good enough, if I deserve things, or if I have fulfilled expectations. Nakakapuno na lang talaga.

Sa mga nanininira sakin: huwag niyo na akong ngitian at pansinin, dahil alam ko namang ayaw ninyo sakin. Let's just all act our age, and be true to ourselves.

Sa mga nanunumbat sakin: wag na kayong gumawa ng maganda para sakin, kung susumbatan niyo rin naman ako sa huli. You do good things out of the goodness of your heart, and NOT BECAUSE YOU CAN USE IT TO YOUR ADVANTAGE WHEN YOU FIND THE OPPORTUNITY TO DO SO. Parakepa na gumawa ka ng maganda kung isusumbat mo rin naman sa huli.

I don't want to care anymore. Basta ako, gagawin ko kung ano sa tingin ko ang tama at mas makakabuti sa lahat. Kung may problema kayo sakin, KEBER KO. I have a family already, a daughter to raise, and my own personal problems to take care of. I have no time for you and your hurtful assumptions. If you have questions about my credibility as a worker, as a wife, as a MOTHER or as a daughter, DIRETSUHIN NIYO AKO. Wag yung ipapadaan niyo pa sa iba o patatagalin, tapos isusumbat din naman sa huli. If you feel that you are right about something, then go ahead and tell me directly. Hindi yung sa huli ko pa malalaman, at pinagmukha pa akong tanga. If you are mature enough, get to know me first before QUESTIONING ME. Dahil ako sa lahat ng ayaw ko, kinukwestiyon ako at sinusumbatan.

I admit that I am not perfect, and I have my GENUINE friends to thank for their transparency. The real people in my life have always told me if I'm doing something wrong. If you can't be one of them, then it's not my loss. People have the right to their own opinion; but if it's a foul opinion, MAKE SURE IT WON'T REACH ME kung wala naman kayong balak ipaalam sakin. Kung sisiraan niyo lang din ako eh mamili kayo ng pagsasabihan. Dahil tama ang dati kong boss: lahat ng bagay nakakarating sa taong sinisiraan. There's a big difference between constructive criticism at yung gusto lang mang-okray at manira.

There's a difference between talking to someone about your problem regarding a person, and talking to different sets of people na wala namang kinalaman sa pinag-uusapan niyong tao, at ipagkakalat mo na ganun yung tao. Ako mismo hindi perpekto. Nagrarant din ako tungkol sa mga tao o bagay na nakakapagpainit ng ulo ko; but I choose who I talk to. I only talk to the people I trust, and more often than not, I don't even drop names. Dahil ako, naiinis lang ako sa ugali ng tao specifically, at hindi sa tao mismo. "hate the sin, and not the sinner" ika nga.

As much as possible, I like to focus on the good side of people; but based on what I've been learning lately, it's as if people choose the blame game; it's as if it's such a fun hobby to disrespect people and to nit-pick people's mistakes and turn it into a discussion. I'm starting to get tired of all these bullcrappy stuff.

I'm just afraid that one day, I'd snap and I'd start telling people off, that my thoughts will turn into word vomit and I won't be able to restrain myself.

Sige lang.. galitin niyo lang ako.. makikita niyo hinahanap ninyo.